Talking Point radio experience

I enjoyed my little experience on Talking Point radio on Wednesday. I've taken the audio class and have had some experience with the school's radio station. It was fun to share my opinion and the way I learn. After the experience I found it weird someone would actually want to hear my opinion on any subject. I explored why I felt this way.

October is Domestic Violence awareness month and my experience with this subject is part of the reason I walked away from the radio experience feeling the way I did. I ask you to please not judge me or ask why I stayed in this relationship. I still don't know.

It started out like all marriages do, we were happy, we loved each other. His addiction to pain medicine began to spiral out of control and couldn't keep a job to save his life. He went to the odd recovery meeting and met new friends and new ways to use. He stopped going and then refused to get help. Over time I lost access to things, my friends, a car, a phone, use of the bank account, and my family. I couldn't use the phone unless he knew who I was calling and what was said. He was right there beside me when I made calls no matter what room I was in. Forget about making friends, who can make friends with someone looking over your shoulder and analyzing everything you say? I couldn't do anything right, every opinion I had was wrong or silly. His temper was so bad my son called him Hulk dad. 

My sister was watching Dr. Phil the other day and I walked in and heard,"it was all verbal abuse until the day he set her on fire." A familiar story with exception of the fire. It was all verbal and emotional until one day he held my son and I at gun point. I had threatened to leave that day. I actually called my parents to come get us, my kids and I. I talked him out of killing us and made him unload the gun on the condition he kept the cell phone, our only phone. I went along with whatever he wanted to do that night. I played nice. I stayed on his good graces until the next day when I felt it was okay to ask for the phone back. He let me have it and I called my dad to come get us right then. My ex-husband let us go. I talked him into letting us go, saying anything to let us go. My dad and I packed everything we could into the back of his SUV. I never looked back.

Did I report it? No I didn't and I hate myself for it everyday. I thought maybe we would get back together. I know silly. As I spent more time away from him the more I saw what everyone else saw. I had turned into a tiny, small, shell of a person. Before this I was outgoing, loved to laugh, loved music, sang all the time, and had an opinion on everything. Rebuilding my life has brought things I have to relearn, like how to talk to people, look people in the eye, not to be afraid to share my opinion. I am getting better at doing these things, but I still feel awkward. It's been over three years and I'm finally divorced and have primary custody of my children. I still look over my shoulder and worry when my kids visit their dad. Even though being a single mother is hard, we are happy and well. Thank you Eric for giving me the opportunity to be a part of Talking Point. It has helped more than you know. To anyone who reads this and is in an abusive relationship, please talk to someone and allow them to help you.